The SANE Blog

A common call to the SANE Helpline often goes like this:

‘I think my partner, daughter or son has borderline personality disorder (BPD) and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them. I love this person, but the situation can be so hurtful. How can I stay and support them, but protect myself as well?’

To help we asked one of our carers, 'Ace', to share his advice for living with and loving someone with BPD. We also asked SANE Help Centre Manager, Suzanne Leckie, to add SANE’s perspective on best practice for carers.

‘How can I stop my friend, partner, or parent hoarding?’

This is a common question asked by many people who feel unable to help their loved one.

Boundary setting is an important, albeit difficult, part of self-care when a loved one is living with a mental illness. This may be harder and more complex for some than others. By setting boundaries, you are taking responsibility for how others treat you and your own needs seriously.

What are the top tips for people starting their journey caring for a loved one living with mental illness?

SANE spoke to Jo Buchannan, a woman with almost 40 years’ experience caring for her sister, nephew and son. We asked Jo to reflect on her experiences and list five tips that would have helped her younger self in her first year of caring. Here's what she said.

Sometimes the distress associated with psychosis can be less about hallucinations or delusions and more about loneliness, fear and loss of self. At the risk of sounding overly optimistic - something us care professionals are famous for - I'd like to share five steps that can help you help your loved one overcome fear and isolation.

When someone experiences a mental health issue their recovery becomes the primary objective. Health services focus on treatment, and the family support their loved one through this phase into recovery.

While family support can make the recovery process easier, it comes at a cost. Family members often forget about their own wellbeing.

The day my daughter was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa was one of the worst days of my life. I thought anorexia was an illness for people who refused to eat. How wrong I was!

Caring for someone who has mental health and drug and alcohol issues is complex. It can be hard to tell what came first, the mental illness or the drug and alcohol issues.

Quite often, people use  drugs as a way of coping with their symptoms. While this can mask the effect of their symptoms, if they stop using the drug their issues may return.

For example, using a particular drug may help someone cope with low mood, but if they stop using the drug this symptom of depression will return. This can be an overwhelming feeling and act as a trigger, tempting people to start using again – creating a merry-go-round of substance use problems.

Whether you are living with a mental illness, or caring for someone who does, making the decision to actively engage in 'self-care' is important.

Self-care includes any intentional actions you can take towards caring for your own physical, mental and emotional health. These actions are often quite simple, and need not take up a lot of time, or cost a lot of money.

We are all different, so take time to reflect on what works for you.

We get many calls to the SANE Helpline from people who are looking after a loved one with a mental illness.

It is estimated that carers of someone with a mental illness spend an average of 104 hours per week in the caring role. This can make being a carer a very demanding responsibility, and getting some outside support can make a big difference.

It is important for you to take care of yourself, as it is quite common for carers to put their own needs aside.